My last post was about the challenges I face juggling motherhood & my career as well as fulfilling my needs, my family needs as well as the needs of the practice where I work. You can read it here.
Fathers also face similar challenges in the veterinary profession, sometimes more.
There are financial pressures, not being home enough to enjoy the children grow up and not getting a break from both work and home.
As mothers we are usually responsible for the majority of raising the children. This normally means we have the first year off and then may work part time while they are young. I found that after having time off with my children, I came back to the veterinary profession with a renewed sense of vigour. Unfortunately fathers don’t get a chance to have that break.
Mothers get to enjoy all those little moments as our children grow. We get to take them to activities & playgroups participating closely in their growth and learning.
Fathers usually don’t get to be involved in this.
They are expected to work full time as well as be involved in the after hours & weekend roster. I know most fathers want to spend more time with their children but it can difficult depending on the needs of the veterinary practice and the perceptions & culture of the practice.
Vets who work in large animal practice find it even more challenging. They can be gone before the kids are up and home after bed time. They may feel that they never get a chance to see and enjoy their children which I know most find upsetting.
Why do they keep doing it though? Usually because they love it and/or they have to. A sense of responsbility and commitment to their practice and to meet personal financial commitments.
Before the children are born usually there are 2 mouths to feed and 2 incomes. Suddenly it become 3 mouths and 1 income or 4 mouths and 1 income. There is an increased financial pressure but also an increased sense of responsibility to provide for a family. There can be student loans to still be paid off as well as a mortgage plus the costs of living.
Vets who aren’t enjoying their current work sometimes are reluctant to leave due to the financial pressure and can feel stuck. Some start to look for partnership prospects and buying into a clinic to provide more financial benefits which brings with it a larger debt and usually a lot more stress.
I know what it’s like to be up all night feeding and have 4 years of interrupted sleep but I didn’t have to get up every day and go to work. You can tell which parents had the rough night at home by the bleary eyes and the IV coffee. Sometimes it’s like being on call all night, every night. Your performance and judgement suffer and it can become exhausting.
With the increased sharing of responsibilities of child rearing, it can become overwhelming when fathers have a very busy day at work and then help out at home to give their wife a break. The first year can be especially challenging for both parents as we all know that you can never be prepared for how much your life is going to change.
Having a sick child, child with special needs, a wife who is finding parenthood challenging or the birth of another child can put even more pressure on fathers to juggle home and work.
It is fantastic that fathers get to be involved in raising their kids today and have practices that are more flexible with working hours. We just need to ensure that men are achieving work life balance as well and getting a chance to have a break and recharge.
Men aren’t going to open up about being overwhelmed, feeling the pressure or not coping. If you notice a colleague struggling, let them know you are there for them. Give them support. If you yourself are struggling, seek help. Speak to someone. There is always help available.
Boys weekends are a great break from work and family. Make sure you take one every year!
As veterinarians, we have a tough job at time, emotionally, physically & mentally. Is it ok to not be ok.
It is ok to ask for help.
It is ok to have a break.
The suicide rate in our profession is unacceptable. It is never the answer. At times when it seems the only option, it never is. There is always help available.
I would like everyone to leave a comment on where vets can get help in your country either in the facebook section or post in the comments section. Then I would like you to share this post with friends and colleagues.
Australia
Beyond Blue www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636
Lifeline 13 11 14
AVA – for members, a telephone counselling service – click here
Natasha
Magnificent website. Plenty of helpful info here. I’m sending it to a few friends ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thanks in your sweat!
Impressive advice! I have been searching for something like this for some time now. Many thanks!